by Bruce Grimes

Once there was a golden bird that could send out rainbows shaped like gold coins that fell from the sky in the wintertime. 

One day, this magical bird flew into a castle and landed on a long table. A knight was sitting at the table. He was surprised to see the bird. He said, “What are you doing here?” The bird said, “My name is Wilma. I’m here to grant you wishes. I will grant you 10 wishes every day.”

The knight was from overseas, and was leaving soon on a battleship going to Kuwait. Before he left, he hoped he could use some of the wishes from the magical bird. 

A wizard named Balthazar was in the castle, too. He was magical in a different way from Wilma.  Balthazar could give money to help the Army, and could do other kinds of magic to help people. 

The wizard built a bird cage for the nice magical bird, and the two became friends. Each felt like they were on top of the world to know another magical creature.
 
One day they had a birthday party for Balthazar, who turned 48 years old. They served ice cream sundaes. Birds don’t usually eat ice cream, but Wilma loved the taste of it. Her favorite flavors were silver and gold – magical ice cream flavors. 

The knight came back from Kuwait just in time for the party. Betsy and Bruce came to the party too, from far away in Minnesota. The wizard made a special tuxedo for the knight, using magic fabric that could make him disappear. 

The whole party went for a ride on the knight’s ship, and got very sick on the choppy waves of the ocean. Wilma was flying above the ship, trying to keep an eye on the boat crew. She wasn’t able to use her magic to help them – not even the wizard’s magic could help. Suddenly, the ship went down a steep wave that brought it back in time! 

The ship was sinking! Wilma landed on the ship and carried each person off the boat before it totally sank. Along came a big bird the size of an airplane that helped Wilma rescue the people. They climbed onto the big bird’s back, and flew to Africa. There, people were building sandcastles along the beach. 

Suddenly, a flock of golden birds just like Wilma flew down from the trees of the jungle. Wilma was so surprised and excited to see birds that looked just like her. The wizard said, “Wow, I can be friends with so many beautiful birds!” 

The African birds were magical, too. Some of the birds were toucans who could pick fruit off the trees and share it with the wizard. 

Africa was beautiful, but Balthazar, Wilma and the knight missed their castle. They were homesick. They wanted to travel back to their own time and to the castle that felt like home. 

They rented a cargo airplane to fly back to the castle. Bruce was their expert pilot. To fly forward in time, Bruce would have to make the plane move incredibly fast. Luckily, there was a special button on the plane that made it fly at hyper speed. The wizard pushed the button! The plane flew so fast that the knight crashed through the window! He had forgotten to put on his seatbelt. Wilma moved fast: She caught the knight in her beak as he zoomed by. She got tired from rescuing the knight and needed to rest inside the airplane.  

By the time they got back to the castle, Wilma was as old as a grandma. She asked, “Are there any more wishes I can grant you?” 
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The knight and Balthazar had just one wish: To stay together in the castle with each other and Wilma as friends for all time.

by Bruce Grimes

An Air Force plane was on its way to Omaha. It was carrying Army food – MREs, meals ready to eat – for people stuck in a blizzard there. The plane flew into Offutt Air Force Base near the city after the blizzard had ended. It was impossible for any other vehicles to travel into the city to bring food for the people stuck there. Not even snowmobiles!

The plane landed on ice. It had skis for landing gear because it was an Air Force plane that had been used at the North Pole before its mission to Omaha.

The Army distributed the meals to people’s houses by using air balloons. After all, Offutt Air Force Base was first used to fly military balloons during World War I in 1918.

The people were standing in snowbanks to catch the balloons with MREs. They were so happy and relieved to have something to eat after 25 days of blizzard. They had survived by eating frozen food they had stored away in their basements. The power was out, so they had to start a fire to cook it.

Of course, MREs come with their own heater to warm them up. But the chemical heaters need water to work, and the people didn’t have any water because everything was frozen in the blizzard. They shouted, “Oh no! Help! Our water is frozen! What can we do now?”

They used their walkie talkies to call for help. The Army came and brought them some heaters that use wood instead of water. They started the heaters up in the snowbanks. The heaters got so hot the snow melted. The people cried, “Oh no, we’ve got water now!” The sidewalks and streets started to flood.

Then they realized that they could drive their cars now. They jumped in their cars and drove to Walmart, where they were given free food – chicken and steak kabobs, and cupcakes.

The people of Omaha invited the Army guys who rescued them to celebrate with a big feast. They deep-fried a turkey and smoked a roast on the wood-burning heaters.
About 30 people came to the feast. The blizzard was over, and the sun was shining. People were happy because the blizzard had passed, but also sad because now their basements were flooded.

They were tired of all this trouble. The people wanted to go someplace where it never snowed, and the sun shines every day. They decided to go to Africa together.

They wanted to fly there in the Air Force plane. So they took the skis off the plane and replaced them with large wheels just right for landing in the jungle.
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When they arrived, they threw a “Welcome to Africa” party. They drank champagne and ate s’mores cooked on a wood fire – just like the fire from the heaters back home on the snowbanks.

by Bruce Grimes

​Two guys and a girl had a farm with sweet corn. They sold the sweet corn for $10 for a dozen ears of corn. They used the money to plant Christmas trees, and then waited until Christmas to cut down the pine trees.

Some people who lived in an old-time group home went to the Moose Lodge for a Christmas party. One of them was me, Bruce! I walked into the party with the help of staff. There was a beautiful big Christmas tree from the farm right there in the center of the Moose Lodge. It was a 12-foot Christmas tree with pinecones all over it. There was beautiful blue garland, and a pretty rainbow angel on top. I was the one who put the angel on top of the tree. I felt happy and sad, because after I put the angel on the tree, I fell down. I ended up in the hospital. I had to have surgery because my hip was broken.

I was in the hospital over Christmas. That was very hard, but a guy dressed up as Santa came to visit me in the hospital. Santa gave me $1,000.

After I got out of the hospital, I used the money to buy a plane ticket to Jamaica, where there are no pine trees, but there are coconut trees. I took some coconuts and sold them for $50 each. A nice Jamaican lady bought them. Then she told me my fortune. She said, “You will run into a nice lady and get married.”

We went on a TV show called “50 First Dates,” and got to know each other very well. She liked me because I had a casino and a fortune. I liked her because she liked to go to parties and drink wine.

Then the fortuneteller and I got married. We moved to Florida, where my mom and dad lived. I introduced them to my wife. They didn’t like her. They said, “Why did you get married to some stranger?” I told them, “I love her! I love the way she dresses up. She’s kind, and she keeps making me vanilla ice cream cake.”

I bought her a Ferrari to drive us around Florida with the top down. We could see coconut trees everywhere. I tried to keep catching coconuts as they fell from trees when we drove past.
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It made me think of the pinecones on the Christmas tree in Minnesota. We drove the Ferrari to Minnesota with a U-Haul trailer on the back. I was happy to show her my home in Minnesota, and the pine trees that grow pinecones instead of coconuts.

by Bruce Grimes

Two people, George and Fred, met on the internet and made plans to go to Africa together. When they got there, George and Fred saw a pawn shop with ukuleles.

They bought 22 ukuleles and 100 pianos from the pawn shop. They performed a Buddy Holly song, “Peggy Sue,” outside the pawn shop. Some friends they met on the airplane listened to them perform. The friends said, “That song is an oldie! Play us a new one!”

So George and Fred put all their instruments on a cargo plane and took them to California, where there was a recording studio. They had asked the pilot where they could find a recording studio. The pilot said, “Give me more money and I will tell you.”

The pilot flew them to California, where they rented the recording studio to record a new song. It was a Jellyroll song, and they played it on their ukuleles.

Some people listened to it while George and Fred were recording the song. They had to play the song three times to get a version that was good enough to put on the radio.

Then George and Fred got $100 to play for a live audience in Las Vegas. They played inside the casino. The people there booed George and Fred. “Boo!” they hollered, and hissed like a snake. George and Fred threw their ukuleles at the audience. They were feeling disappointed that the audience didn’t like their song.

They went back to California and bought an airplane and turned it into their own recording studio. The ghost of Ritchie Valens came to the studio in the airplane. (His real name was Richard Steven Valenzuela.) Ritchie sang his great hit song, “Come On, Let’s Go!” That inspired George and Fred to write their own original song.

They wrote a hamburger song. It was hard, but they just kept working on it until Christmastime. Then the song was ready to share with CBS TV. They performed it on the air. They got poor ratings. They were having a tough time getting anyone to appreciate their music!

They went back to their own recording studio in the airplane and recorded all the songs they knew. They made it into a CD, but people threw the CD away.

George and Fred said, “When are we ever going to get a good song to support us?” They didn’t have jobs; they were hoping to record a song that would hit the Billboard charts.
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But they were discouraged. They decided not to record anymore. Instead, they bought a French fry restaurant. They played recordings of their favorite songs in the restaurant. Their customers loved it. George and Fred finally found a way to share music with other people.

by Bruce Grimes

There were these two guys, Fred and Tommy, who went to a hotel and got a lottery ticket. They won a big jackpot! And then Fred and Tommy went to the casino, and then to Florida after they won $1,000.

They bought an old building in Florida and made it into a Taco John’s restaurant. They served turkey burritos made from their own special recipe. People did not like the turkey burritos. They tasted like horse poop. People wanted their money back. Fred and Tommy did not give them their money back.

Instead, they flew back to Minnesota and got in trouble for buying the restaurant. They got in trouble with the corporate team of Taco John’s, including the Big Boss of Taco John’s, because they wouldn’t give the money back to the customers. 

They said, “Forget about it!” and went back to the casino . . . and lost the money they made selling turkey burritos.

Meanwhile, the customers called the police in Florida. Fred and Tommy got in trouble and went to jail for 30 days. They had to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while they were in jail. The Big Boss from Taco John’s visited them in jail and told them, “You’re fired!”

Fred and Tommy said, “We don’t care!” They bought another lottery ticket when they got out of jail and went back to Florida. The angry customers were waiting for them in Florida, and so were the people who sold them the deed to the building. Fred and Tommy said to each other, “Now what do we do?”

They ran into a casino and the people with the deed were chasing them. Fred and Tommy put a $20 bill on a horse race betting machine. They won $1,000 and used it to open a Taco Bell restaurant. Then they got in trouble again. This time they were serving pizza pies that tasted like mini donuts. That caught customers by surprise. The customers were happy and mad at the same time. Tommy and Fred decided to give customers their money back this time.

They went to Texas and bought an automobile repair place there. They got in trouble again! This time, they did not give any money back when they couldn’t fix people’s cars and people had to buy new cars from a different place. This time, they were in trouble with the Texas police. They said, “What do we do now? We’re in trouble again!” They had to sit in court and people were asking them questions. “How come you keep getting in trouble?” they asked. Fred and Tommy answered, “We have a disability and we can’t help ourselves.” But what they really had was a bad attitude. At the end of the court session, they had to go to prison for 30 days. It was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all over again for them.
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But at least it wasn’t turkey burritos.