by Bruce Grimes

Frosty the Snowman was a grumpy, stumpy soul
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
Who wanted a wife made of snow.

Frosty the Snowman had a clever plan in mind
To make his way to the coldest place
to explore the wild North Pole.

He stole a truck when he got to the Pole right from those busy elves
And when they found their truck was gone, they cried among themselves.

Frosty the Snowman drove around to find some friends
Looking here and there, all around the square
And found Rudolph ‘round the bend.

He jumped right in that moving truck to share some fun and play 
Frosty smiled and hit the gas and they were on their way!

Thumpety thump thump, grumpity grump grump - Look at Frosty go!
Thumpety thump thump, grumpity grump grump - Over the hills of snow!

A trail of toys across the snow led them to the man in red
When Frosty asked for a new snow wife, this is what he said: 
“Ho ho ho ho ho!”

Santa used his magic to make a snowy wife, and Rudolph used a magic rose 
To bring that wife to life!

Thumpity thump thump, grumpity grump grump - Look at Frosty go
Thumpity thump thump, grumpity grump grump - Over the hills of snow!

Frosty and Mrs. climbed into Santa’s sleigh
They flew all night to the place just right: Minnesota USA!

Santa used his magic to freeze them for all time
And now they live year-round in frost and enjoy their life just fine!

Thumpity thump thump, grumpity grump grump - Look at the Frosties go!
Thumpity thump thump, grumpity grump grump – in the land of snow!

by Bruce Grimes

Two groovy astronauts, Freddy and Christmas Tree, went into space. They went to the moon. It collapsed when they shot a laser gun by accident. “Oops,” they said. They returned to Earth to do some Space X training on how to handle laser guns.
 
After they finished their training, they went on a mission to Mars to fix up an old robot that was broken down, at an old space station.

It took 3 months to get to Mars. Along the way, they ate frozen pizza from the luggage in their space capsule. They also ate some pumpkin pie, which was frozen like ice cream. 

They transported a chimpanzee along with them, to live on Mars and fix things there when they broke down. The chimpanzee was 20 years old; it had learned from humans how to become a mechanic. The chimp, Rudolph, was a very fast learner.

Rudolph got sick when they landed on Mars. He had eaten too much human food. The astronauts quickly took him to the space station near where they landed. There were robot doctors at the space station. They told the astronauts to leave the chimpanzee there. The astronauts tried to radio to their big bosses on Earth, but they couldn’t get through. So they had to stay on Mars with Rudolph until he got better. 

They brought Rudolph back to Earth. He had gotten very sick from eating all that human food. There was monkey food on Mars, but it was all medicine. Rudolph wouldn’t do very well if he stayed on Mars. He could barely move his hands. 

When they got back to Earth, Freddy and Christmas Tree brought Rudolph to the Minnesota Zoo where he could have a good diet of monkey food and get better. At the zoo, he was with other chimpanzees who also knew how to fix mechanical things. 

Meanwhile, the president sent Freddy and Christmas Tree back to space. “Go back, and fix the robots,” he said. “You guys should be fired for feeding a chimp pizza and pumpkin pie.” 

And so they did. Rudolph waved goodbye when the spaceship flew over the zoo.

Enjoy this Discover Magazine story about NASA’s history of chimpanzees in space

by Bruce Grimes

Tanya and Luke were going up North to their cabin when they got stuck in a rainstorm, and also got a flat tire. They had to call for help, but their cell phone was out of range. They couldn’t reach anyone to help them. Finally, they flagged someone down. It was a tow truck driver. What a stroke of luck for them!

He fixed the flat tire. It took 2 or 3 hours. Tanya and Luke were getting really hungry . . . for turkey! They had been thinking about it all day. Their friend Bruce the award-winning chef was already at their cabin cooking a Thanksgiving feast. Bruce was as good a chef as Gordon Ramsay, but he was a much nicer guy than that hot-tempered celebrity chef. Bruce was so nice he often gave his friends $100 bills. 

When the flat tire was fixed, Tanya and Luke invited the tow truck driver to their cabin for Thanksgiving dinner. The driver, Randy, said yes. He had a really big live turkey in his truck. He chopped off its head so they could have a bigger turkey to eat. They cooked two turkeys at the cabin up North. They cooked one over the fire in the fireplace while Bruce was cooking the other one in the oven.

While the turkeys were cooking, their neighbor and friend Audrey knocked at the door and brought in a bunch of pumpkin pies and banana cream pies.  

Tanya and Luke said, “Thank you so much!” 

Audrey said, “You’re welcome! Can I stay for dinner?” 

After they all ate together, they watched “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” movie together. They watched the Macy’s Day Parade. Everyone fell asleep on a cozy futon and had a dream about traveling to California all together in Randy’s tow truck with a flock of wild turkeys roosting on the back of the truck. 
​
Gobble gobble!

by Bruce Grimes

There were two thieves named Frankenstein and Keith Urban. They stole a bunch of computers from a market where Bruce was selling repurposed computers that don’t cost very much money. 

They threw Bruce’s computers in the dumpster. They wanted to tie Bruce up and hold him for ransom. Bruce yelled, “Help! I’ve been stolen!”

Frankenstein and Keith Urban said, “You be quiet. We’re going to make you go through a drive thru with us while we steal money.”

Bruce felt very upset and mad to be taken on such a bad kind of adventure. “You better let me go, or I will tell the police!” Bruce said.

Then they said to each other, “We better let him go.” 

So they took Bruce to Belvedere Castle in Central Park, in the middle of New York City. They let him go after staying with Bruce all night in the castle. 

In the morning, a military man marched right up to the castle and said, “You’re coming with me, Bruce to help me give out MREs for Christmas presents.” The meals were for people across the country whose houses were damaged when a hurricane came through.

Frankenstein and Keith Urban snuck out of the castle and went back home. The military man, Adam, told Bruce, “We could really use an old-time wheelchair to deliver these meals. Shall we make one together?”

They looked around Belvedere Castle to find materials to make a wheelchair with an old belt motor. 

Bruce had gone to school to learn how to fix cars. He was especially good at changing oil and fixing tires. He knew what he and Adam needed to be able to build a belt-motor wheelchair. They looked around the castle for only 15 minutes before they found everything they needed to build the chair. It worked pretty well, for the most part. 

They started out on the journey to the closest military base. Suddenly, the chair broken down. The motor fell down to the ground and exploded! Fortunately, no one was hurt. But now, Bruce and Adam had to find a horse to pull the wheelchair. There were lots of horse-drawn carriages in Central Park, so they borrowed a horse from one of the carriage drivers. 

They delivered all the meals and returned to Adam’s military base. Bruce was given a Blue Heart Medal for delivering all the meals. Adam got one too. They became close friends. They sometimes met up at Belvedere Castle for a fun afternoon together and a carriage ride. 

by Bruce Grimes

Bruce had a magic wheelchair. It could take him anyplace. The place he wanted to go to the most was a Weird Al concert. 

The chair had high-performance gas boosters on it. Bruce had a green button he could press to activate the boosters. They would make the wheelchair go so fast it would lift off from the ground and actually fly through the air! It had enough power to fly all the way around the world. 

That’s a lucky thing, because Bruce wanted to go to California to see Weird Al perform there. Bruce was dreaming about Weird Al and also about going to a Vikings game. It would be super crazy to have both dreams happen at the same time, and Bruce would go to a Vikings game with Weird Al. 

Bruce’s wheelchair had a sidecar like a motorcycle so that a friend could travel along with him. Bruce wanted Andrew to go with him, even though Andrew doesn’t like crowds. 

Andrew said, “I will go because I like Weird Al too! I hope they have special headphones with audio description so I know what’s happening on stage.” 

They started from Mystic Lake in Minnesota. Bruce revved up the wheelchair with the gas boosters at half-strength. That got the wheelchair up to 100 miles per hour. It lifted off the ground and flew over the tops of houses and trees! 

Bruce was wearing a toupee; it flew off his head because the wind was so strong from their speed! Andrew said, “Bruce, let me off! I’m going to get sick!” Bruce replied, “I can’t stop in the middle of the air!” So they continued on. 

They flew over seven states, from Minnesota across South Dakota, Nebraska, Colorado, Wyoming, Utah, and a tiny corner of Nevada before reaching California. They flew past the moon and the stars. Bruce and Andrew were tired from all that flying. Andrew guided the wheelchair while Bruce slept. Finally, Bruce pushed the magic button and they landed on the street where Weird Al lives in California. 

Weird Al greeted them, saying, “I was just about to send you guys an email! It’s time for the show.”

Weird Al brought Bruce and Andrew up on stage. He invited them to sing Bruce’s favorite song, “I Want a New Duck,” as trio. The audience gave them a standing ovation! Bruce was so excited he spun the wheelchair around in a circle like a lawnmower.

Then Weird Al sang a special song for his encore: “Tra La La Captain Underpants” and Bruce and Andrew chimed in on their favorite part: “There’s a hero in the sky.”

“That’s us!” Bruce shouted to Andrew. And they shared a high five.

by Bruce Grimes

I was dreaming of a class with Hagrid. It was a class to go hunting for magical snowballs. 

This was back in 2010. Harry Potter was riding a broomstick to McDonald’s. After he bought some food there, he rode through Taco Bell drive thru. He bought all the food there for Hermione, who was a kitty cat at the moment after drinking a transfiguration potion. 

Then Ron drank potion to turn into a rat. Hagrid had put a spell on him to become a rat, so Ron could fit down the drainpipe if a mountain troll attacked him. Hagrid had a troll trapped in the castle. 

Hermione the kitty cat met Ron the rat and they didn’t recognize each other. They cried, “Ahh!” The kitty cat chased the rat into the dark forest. They ran into the magical car that Harry Potter was driving. They both jumped into the car. Harry Potter called out, “Oh no, what should I do now? I can’t transform you guys back!” Hermione suggested, “Try saying a spell with your wand.” But she could only get out the words by saying “Meow.” Harry could sort of kind of understand her. He thought she said, “Meow meow, let me out of this body!” So he tried this spell: “Hocus pocus, abracadabra, let me out of this body.” 

It worked! Hermione suddenly turned into her human self. They both said the magic spell for Ron too, and he turned into an eagle! Hermione said, “Oh no, we’ve got to get Ron out of this! Go to Professor McGonagall and ask for help!”

They ran into Dobby the House Elf. Dobby said, “Let me try.” Dobby said a spell, and Ron turned into Dobby! Ron said, “I’d rather be an eagle than a House Elf.” That made Dobby sad. Hermione thought, “What do we do now? It’s almost time to ride the train back home from Hogwarts.” Ron couldn’t ride the train as a rat, an eagle, or a house elf. He was stuck as a character . . . until they played Wizard Chess. 

Hermione and Ron played together. Ron decided the moves, and Hermione moved the pieces. They were playing against Professor McGonagall, who was trying to learn how to play chess. She knew that Ron was a chess champion, and wanted to learn from him. 

Ron wanted to learn transfiguration from Professor McGonagall so he could turn back into his human self, and Professor McGonagall wanted to learn chess from Ron. Maybe we can make a swap, they thought.
​
They taught each other what each wanted to learn. They finished the chess game – Hermione and Ron beat Professor McGonagall – and Ron transformed again . . . this time into a frog! Poor Ron. He said, “Oh no, now I have to stay at the castle instead of going home.” They were worried about the mountain troll in the castle. So they trapped the troll with little pieces of candy: They placed the candy in a line leading to a hidden cage. The troll picked up all the candy, eating it along the way until he suddenly found himself trapped inside the cage. The kids said, “It’s about time we got this mountain troll under control.” Hagrid said, “Now I can stay at the castle with Ron the frog.” Ron replied, “Ribbit ribbit ribbit” which meant “Let me out!” Then he turned into an owl – Harry Potter’s owl Hedwig. Ron thought, “Now I can go on the train and be back at home with Ginny.” They caught the train just in time.

by Bruce Grimes

Two old ladies, Wilma and Ruth, baked banana bread and M&M cookies to sell at the farmer’s market. They sold all the cookies and used the money they earned to go to a haunted mansion.

At the haunted mansion, they saw a ghost of Michael Jackson. They screamed, “Ahhh!” and fainted. The ghost went inside their bodies and said, “Let’s fly an airplane – a ghost plane.”

There was a World War II plane inside a TV in the haunted house. The ghost had a magic remote control. He said, “Come with me if you want a ride.” 

The old ladies said, “Did you hear that?” 

Suddenly, they saw two more ghosts – John Lennon and George Harrison of the Beatles. 

Together, they all went to a fun house. They went through a psychic room there and lost Michael Jackson along the way. But John Lennon and George Harrison were still with them. 

The ladies started singing Halloween songs, starting with “Monster Mash.” They hadn’t been very good singers before, but suddenly they could sing very well because of the ghosts nearby.

After they sang “Monster Mash,” they started singing “As My Guitar Gently Weeps.” They went to TCF football stadium. There, they started singing to a live crowd. The ladies said, “I can’t believe we just sang that song!” The ghosts said, in a British accent, “Wow ladies, you sing just like us!” The crowd at the stadium wanted more, so they clapped and clapped their hands together. “Give us more!” they shouted. So Wilma and Ruth asked for a lot of money to keep singing. They wanted to give the money to Gillette Children’s Hospital in St. Paul. 

The crowd said, “Do more! We’ll give you so much money if you keep singing Beatles songs!”

They sang a full concert of Beatles songs. The crowd loved it. After the concert was over, the ladies went to a nearby hotel; the ghosts of John Lennon and George Harrison wanted to stay near the stage at the stadium. 

Wilma and Ruth said, “Oh, now we can’t sing anymore.” They felt sad about that. To make themselves feel better, they decided to do something they enjoyed doing together: Drawing. They drew some scary pictures, but that made them feel doomed. It didn’t really make them feel better. So instead, they drew some pictures of the Beatles on-stage in 1968 when they were very young and starting to get famous.
​
That felt like a nice conclusion to their singing adventure. 

by Bruce Grimes

Fred was a secret agent who wanted to go on Dr. Phil’s show to get advice about his love life. His problem was that he was in love with Becky, who was married to Bruce.
But because he was a secret agent, Fred couldn’t just go on TV. He had to go undercover. He thought the best way to do that was to pretend to be “Bruce.”

Meanwhile, at Bruce’s own house, he had a magical TV that could transport him into any show. Bruce happened to be watching Dr. Phil when suddenly there was a guest named “Bruce” who started talking about a woman he loved, “Becky.”

“Hey!” said the real Bruce. “That guy is talking about my wife, Becky! What’s he’s doing pretending to be me?”

Bruce took the magic remote control and aimed it at his magic TV. Bingo! Suddenly he was in the show with Dr. Phil and the imposter “Bruce” (who was actually Fred).

Bruce said, “Hey, you imposter! Get off the show right now!” He wailed, “Dr. Phil, call the cops!”

Fred replied, “Bruce, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at home watching your TV! You get off the stage right now!”

But Bruce said, “I can’t! I don’t have the remote anymore!”

Dr. Phil told them both, “This is really good TV. Keep going with your stories!” 

But Bruce and Fred started fighting on stage. That was too much for Dr. Phil. He realized he should call for help.

The audience started to boo loudly. Suddenly, Becky walked onto the stage and shouted, “Don’t boo my husband!” Dr. Phil told Bruce and Becky and Fred the secret agent to leave and go to a different show. “How about Sally Jesse Raphael?” Dr. Phil suggested.

The three of them got rooms in a hotel nearby and had strawberry margaritas and lemon cookies together. They were thinking about going to Divorce Court instead of Sally Jesse Raphael’s show.

The next day, they went to Divorce Court with Judge Ruth. She told them, “You need to figure out your problems yourselves.” So Bruce, Becky and Fred sat down in a quiet place in the Fireplace Lounge at Northfield Hospital to have a conversation.

Bruce and Becky were happy to be married. Fred liked Becky but didn’t want her to leave Bruce . . . because the more he got to know Bruce, he really liked Bruce, too. In the end, the three decided to be friends together.

“Hey,” said Fred. “Did you two ever consider being secret agents?” 
​
Bruce and Becky thought that sounded like fun. So the three became a team.

by Bruce Grimes

Tonya and Ruthie wanted to grill food for a contest on a TV show. They wanted to grill for Gordon Ramsay. They wanted to grill old-fashioned hot dogs, but Gordon Ramsay said, “No! Grill some premium, expensive fish.” 

They got kicked off the TV show. He said, “Since you don’t know how to grill expensive fish, you’re off the show!” They cried. “Waah! Boo hoo!” 

Tonya and Ruthie raised $500 to open their own drive-in restaurant. Unfortunately, the restaurant caught on fire when they were cooking bacon. They rebuilt it and changed the menu to seafood. Now they really did have to learn how to grill fish.

Then Gordon Ramsay stopped by their restaurant and tasted the fish. He said, “Wow girls, you have improved yourselves!”

They said, “Will you give us $100 now?” But Gordon Ramsay said, “You deserve much more than that,” and he gave them $1,200. They used that as the beginning of raising money for a food truck.

They used cooking oil to fuel the truck and took it on the road . . . all around the world! They were cooking all different kinds of food: seafood tacos, pizza burgers, and hamburger patties. They also cooked their first favorite food: old-fashioned hot dogs.  

Tonya and Ruthie started their food truck journey in New Mexico. While they were there, they learned how to cook pineapple and kiwi on the grill. People asked for the food deep-fried instead of grilled. They asked for zucchini bread also. On the food truck, Tonya and Ruthie had an oven that ran on propane. They baked zucchini bread and muffins there. They sold them for $5 each. Those were the top-sellers on the food truck. 

Then Tonya and Ruthie took the truck to Texas and later, New Jersey. They went onto another TV show called “Bar Rescue.” They raised money for another business: This time, they wanted to open a bar. Tonya and Ruthie wanted to start with a bar from the show “Bar Rescue,” a bar that people didn’t want to go to. They made it into a bakery and bar together. They did so well that John Taffer from “Bar Rescue” gave them $1 million.
​
Tonya and Ruthie said, “Wowie! Now we really have some money!” They put it in the bank to save up for a vacation. They planned to travel around the world and taste as many different foods as they could. Including old-fashioned hot dogs.   

by Bruce Grimes

Eric got hired to the post office in Owatonna. He got a raise around Christmastime. He got paid $100 to go to the North Pole to deliver packages to Santa Claus. The packages from Owatonna had chocolate candy in them. Santa was going to share the candy with all of the elves. 

Eric also brought reindeer snacks.  

On his journey to the North Pole, Eric got stuck a blizzard. He was traveling in a WWII bomb shelter plane. It broke up in the blizzard. Eric was 200 miles away from the North Pole when the plane broke up – over water! Eric fell into the ocean and it was so cold he got very sick with hypothermia. He shivered so hard his teeth chattered. He was sad and mad to be in such a predicament.

Edward the elf had to send out a search party. Cindy Claus, Santa’s helper, was part of the search party. Edward and Cindy were riding a reindeer and heard a beacon sound. They were able to find Eric in the deep water because Eric had a beacon in his trousers. Edward called Santa on a walkie talkie. “We found Eric in the ocean!” Edward said. “He’s barely alive because the water is below zero!”

Santa replied, “Oh, I’ll send a bunch of my reindeer to carry him to the North Pole hospital.” And he did.

They gathered up an expensive heater and put it in the reindeer hospital to warm Eric up because his body couldn’t move, it was so frozen. Trixie the elf is Santa’s nurse elf. She warmed Eric up at the reindeer hospital. Then Santa said, “Oh, now we have to ship him to the nearest hospital on an airplane.”

Santa wanted to send Eric to the warmest place he could think of for Eric to recover. Santa knows the entire world, so it was easy for him to decide that the warmest place is Africa. Santa used his special red plane to take Eric to Africa. Crystal the elf flew the plane. Santa went along for the ride. 

“I’m sorry the chocolate didn’t make it to the elves,” Eric told Santa. 

“Ho ho ho! That’s okay, Eric. I will still give you a million dollars for trying to deliver the chocolate,” Santa replied. 

Eric still had the reindeer snacks because they were in his shirt pocket. He handed them to Santa. “At least these made it through,” Eric said. “Your reindeer will like them.” But Santa just gobbled them up right then and there himself! 
​
“Burp!” Santa said, and blushed.