by Bruce Grimes

Brad and Bruce were the captain and mechanic of the battleship U.S. Navy One. They just met for the first time on their first trip together on this ship. They both had come from across the sea. 

The ship was leaving for Antarctica. The plan was to sink the battleship to the bottom of the sea to create an artificial reef where fish can live, especially jellyfish.

The ship was being pulled by big tugboats. Brad and Bruce and the crew were taking pipes off the ship to get it ready to sink it. It was heavy work. They got tired, and thirsty.  

Brad and Bruce decided to take a break and have a cup of tea. They would snack on some MREs during their break.

They put the ship on autopilot and left the tugboats guiding the ship in charge. They left the bridge of the battleship and went to the dining room where it was cozy and warm. 

“We’re sleepy, but it’s not bedtime yet for us,” Brad and Bruce said. “Let’s have a cup of tea, or coffee.”

“Cold cinnamon tea is usually my favorite,” said Bruce, “but it’s too chilly for that today. I want a steaming hot cup of tea.” Brad fixed it for him while Bruce kept taking pipes off the ship. Brad put chives in the tea for a spicy flavor. 

Brad made himself a cup of coffee. He put Fireball in it – a hot cinnamon liquor. Yow! He screamed, “Ah! Why did I put that in there? That’s so strong.” He drank it down anyway.

They thought they were drinking caffeinated tea and coffee, but it turns out they were decaffeinated drinks. Brad and Bruce kept yawning and yawning. Before long, they were both asleep.

They dreamed about the ship. They were almost halfway around the world by now. By the time they woke up, the tugboats had taken the battleship all the way to Antarctica. 

When they arrived, the people there said, “Hey, we don’t want that ship in our sea!” So Brad and Bruce took the ship to the Bahamas instead.
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And this time, they made sure the coffee and tea was caffeinated. ​

by Bruce Grimes

Two women talked to donkeys. And the donkeys could talk back. 

Wilma and Becky had a herd of 1,000 donkeys. They took the whole herd to California on a big cruise ship. 

On the way, the cruise ship ran into a big bunch of smoke coming from a fire. The fire was coming from another cruise ship nearby! 

The second ship was radioing “SOS!” when Wilma and Becky’s ship was nearby. Their ship hurried to the rescue. They picked up elephants and zebras – an entire zoo of animals that was on the burning ship. Just in time!

The animals said, “Thank you for saving us!”

Wilma and Becky replied, “You’re welcome! There’s just one problem. We don’t have enough food for all of you.” 

So they radioed to a tugboat to bring some food from the nearest zoo. When the tugboat arrived, Wilma and Becky asked the tugboat captain, “Where can we bring all these animals to be safe? They’re from so many different places around the world, and need different habitats – including the penguins.”

“I can radio another tugboat with a zookeeper on board,” the captain said. “The zookeeper can help guide you around the world to return the animals all to their natural homes.”

Wilma and Becky thought, “Great! What a trip! Let’s get started!”

Suddenly, the cruise ship ran out of gas. The tugboat captain asked the second tugboat with the zookeeper onboard to also bring fuel for the ship, and help pull the ship into the deep ocean to start the journey around the world. 

Their first destination: Africa! 

They traveled six days to the coast of Africa, where the elephants and the zebras belonged, to live on the wide open plains and fields.

But the elephants were so big and heavy they damaged the ship, and water started leaking out all over the boat. Wilma and Becky laid down some steel beams for the elephants to walk across. That made the ship sturdy enough to finish the journey. The monkeys kept climbing on top of the penguins, because their space in the ship was so small. 

Wilma and Becky docked the ship along the coast of Africa, and the animals walked down the ramp onto the dock. It looked like a parade! People nearby were startled to see them. 

The donkeys wanted to stay in Africa, too. After all, that’s where donkeys first came from over 6,000 years ago. One of the donkeys, Finnegan, told Wilma and Becky, “Let’s leave all the animals here so you guys can transport back to Minnesota through a TV.” They said, “That’s a brilliant idea! We didn’t know you were a science fiction donkey.”

The monkeys wanted to go to the space center to learn how to fly spaceships, and bring the penguins with them into space. The penguins didn’t like that idea. “We want to go to the Minnesota Zoo!” they shouted. “We can transport through the TV, too.”

Wilma and Becky replied, “We’ll have to go to the Minnesota Zoo and donate the penguins.”
So they did.